How to Give Without Guilt (When Generosity Starts to Feel Heavy)

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Ep. 239 When Generosity Starts to Feel Heavy… How to Give Without Guilt – Alison Patterson

Generosity is supposed to feel good. And yet, for so many women, it quietly becomes something else – heavy, complicated, and emotionally draining. You say yes when your body wants to say no. You give because you should, not because it feels aligned. And afterward, instead of feeling connected or fulfilled, you’re left feeling resentful, overextended, or guilty for even noticing the weight.

If that feels familiar, nothing has gone wrong. This isn’t a personal failure or a lack of generosity – it’s a sign that giving has slipped out of alignment with your values, your capacity, or your season of life. When generosity is driven by obligation instead of intention, it stops feeling supportive and starts costing more than it gives back.

In this conversation, we explore a different way forward – one rooted in emotional safety, clarity, and choice. This episode invites you to rethink what it means to give without guilt, to understand why boundaries don’t diminish generosity, and to reconnect with what giving is meant to feel like for you. Not more. Not less. Just truer.

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In this conversation, you’ll hear a calm, honest exploration of how generosity can move from obligation to intention. Alison shares a simple but powerful practice—getting clear on your “why” for giving—so saying no becomes easier and giving feels more aligned with your values and capacity. The full transcript begins below, exactly as this conversation unfolded.

How to Give Without Guilt (When Generosity Feels Heavy)

Today we’re talking about generosity, but not the kind that leaves you resentful, overextended, or saying yes when your body is screaming no. I’m joined by Alison Patterson, who spent over two decades inside nonprofit fundraising and had a moment where she realized that generosity had quietly turned into obligation for her and so many women that she knew.

Alison is now a generosity strategist and the founder of Patterson Philanthropic Advisors. She helps women and founders create giving plans that actually feel aligned, sustainable, and joyful again.

In this conversation, we’re unpacking how to give without guilt, how to say no without shutting down your heart, and how generosity can support your family and your life, not drain them.

So let’s get to it.

Money Simplified: A Grounded Approach to Money

This is Money Simplified, the podcast where I help female entrepreneurs go from stress and struggle to unstoppable with money. Money is more than just budgeting and P&Ls and we’re going to take you through all of it.

Here we blend proven financial strategy with mindset work and energetic alignment so you can create unstoppable finances, build an unstoppable business, and truly enjoy your unstoppable life. It’s time to take my wisdom, my expertise to help you simplify money and go beyond the numbers.

I’m your host, Aimee Cerka. Welcome. I’m so glad you’re here.

Becoming a Generosity Strategist: Alison Patterson’s Journey

Welcome, Allison. I’m so excited to have you on Money Simplified. For our listeners, they don’t know this is the second time we’re doing this, so kind of fun. Hopefully, tech and everything is cooperating much better for us now.

Our first conversation was soft gold and we’re going to recreate it and go in a little bit different direction today.

I’m really excited for this to kick off. Why don’t you tell listeners how you came to become a generosity strategist? Because I love that title and I think there’s a lot of curiosity there.

“I spent 25 years as a development professional working primarily for small to mid sized organizations,” Alison shared. “What I was finding was people just wanted to be generous, but they were overwhelmed. There was so much need in the world that what they had to give wasn’t going to make a big difference and they didn’t understand their impact.”

When Generosity Turns Into Obligation

Alison realized the shift when a respected woman at a cocktail party actively avoided her after being asked to renew her giving. She just didn’t want to tell me no.

“There had to be a better way for people out there who wanted to be generous but didn’t feel like they had enough or didn’t feel like their giving mattered,” Alison said. “Let’s get some strategy and intention around this and help the everyday change maker understand that we all make change every day.“

I love that. You touched on a couple key things we’re going to dive into. The difference between obligation and intention: we’ve all given out of obligation before and it creates resistance and resentment in your body.

Giving is such a powerful tool. We don’t necessarily give to get something, but when you’re in true giving energy, it’s a high vibration. If you’re giving out of obligation and creating resentment, you’re not maximizing that magic and potency.

What’s the first step listeners could take to shift from obligation to intentional giving?

Clarifying Your “Why” for Intentional Giving

Alison replied, “The very first step in getting out of obligation is creating that why statement, that mission statement. When we are giving, we can think about that in terms of a budget item — our time, our money, even our Rolodex.”

Creating a very clear vision of what we stand for and what we value in our lives and our giving is the first step. That’s the first step I take my clients through. It’s something anyone can do. Even young children can do this.

If we get grounded on what matters to us — what’s going on in the world that we feel is on fire: hunger, homelessness, the environment — we can clarify those things for ourselves. “We then have the ability to have a more joyful no, an intentional no, but we also know that how we’re giving is intentional rather than just saying yes to someone because they asked.”

Choosing Where Your Money Goes on Purpose

I always say, “If you aren’t being intentional with your money, someone else is.” The marketing and advertising industry is powerful. We have to set the intention of where we want our money to go.

I love that when we’ve gotten clear on who or what we want to intentionally give to, those causes that are important to us, it fills a need only we are called to fill. We’re all designed to have different areas we’re passionate about and there’s nothing wrong with whatever area you’re called to.

You’re here to fill a void. That’s what you’re called to do.

Trust, Boundaries, and the Power of Saying No

Alison said, “That also comes with a level of trust. You have the ability to say no because you trust that there’s someone else out there who is going to say yes.”

And it doesn’t mean the no is forever. Alison gave an example: “I gave my sister a gift to an organization she was passionate about for her birthday. Later, the organization called me to renew the gift and I had to practice saying, ‘I am so grateful for those passionate about your cause. I have a plan for my generosity and this doesn’t fit right now.'”

Saying no can be joyful and intentional. You trust others will do their part. You trust that you’ll know when it’s your time to contribute.

How to Say No Without Guilt or Resentment

I asked how to say no without guilt. Alison explained, “Because you understand your why, you can check in on it often. Sometimes I go through this three or four times a year and my plan might shift because something new inspires me.”

But again, trust that by saying no, you’re giving someone else the opportunity to step in. You’re doing them a favor. When we frame it in our minds that way, we understand our purpose and where we fit.

Budgeting for Generosity in a New Season

Now, let’s get into practicality. It’s the brand new year as this episode comes out, a time where everyone’s refreshing their budgets. How do you recommend prioritizing giving in your budget?

Alison shared, “I myself do a generosity reset to help people budget. Most people are already giving even if they’re not itemizing it on their taxes. They’re giving their time, money, or other resources.”

I try and help people think of a budget using 70-20-10: “Seventy percent goes into your focus area; 20% is budgeted to say yes (community, family, friends); and 10% is set aside for inspiration. That way, when a spontaneous need arises—like a flood or a friend’s emergency—you have resources to help. It’s easier to budget money than time, but you can use the same approach for both.”

Review what you did last year, make sure it aligns with your focus, and see if you can put 70% of your resources there.

Generosity is not only about nonprofits; it’s about how we show up every day with friends and family.

How to Be Generous When Money Is Tight

For a while, I didn’t have a personal cause I was donating to, so I created a savings account just for giving. Whenever I felt called, I had a little nest egg to give from.

If nothing is calling you right now, set aside the money so you’re ready when the opportunity comes.

If you’re listening and things are tight, but you want to be more generous, start with what you can. Alison encouraged, “It all matters. Those little things matter. I’ve done random acts of kindness like Wealth Wednesday where you do a monetary kindness for a stranger—like leaving $10 or $20 in a diaper box at the store. Every bit counts.“

No judgment, no shame. Be generous where you are, and trust that one day you’ll be able to do more. Trust others will fill the need until you can.

Giving Beyond Money: Time, Voice, and Kindness

If money is tight, what are other ways to give?

Alison said, “With our time, it’s important to be intentional. First, evaluate what kind of time you really have. When my daughter was young, we had less time to volunteer weekly, so we did things like pack kits for the local food pantry as a family. Even if you just do one, it’s meaningful.”

Building the practice of generosity is building the muscle. Sometimes giving your voice means speaking up for someone who isn’t represented or speaking kindly within your community.

Kindness matters. Be kind, and use your voice to strengthen what you believe.

Why Generosity Matters in Business

I hinted earlier, as a brand, generosity is a value. “For myself, 10% of all revenue is given to Operation Underground Railroad, fighting child sex trafficking.”

This is tax-deductible when structured properly, so check with your accountant. It’s percentage-based budgeting and grows as the business grows. It creates impact for customers and clients, too.

For more resources and to connect, go to https://aimeecerka.com.

Making Business Giving Visible and Meaningful

Alison added, “I also give 10% back through my company, typically supporting women and entrepreneurship. Clients can donate their fee portion to an organization or I’ll make it in their name.”

She continued, “As a business owner, consider being more visible about giving. Mention it in emails or taglines. Dedicate space on your website to explaining why you give—this attracts generous clients and gives them something to be proud of, because through you, they give, even if it’s not their own focus.”

Community is created when generosity is visible. Maybe start with one project or event where part of the sales is donated.

How to Begin an Intentional Generosity Practice

I raise my hand—I don’t talk about my business giving enough! Taking notes to revise my systems and make visible giving a bigger priority.

That sense of belonging is key, and being part of something is powerful.

Thank you so much, Alison. I know you’ve got a Generosity Kickstart Kit to help people get started.

Resources to Support Your Generosity Journey

Alison shared, “I have a Generosity Kickstart Kit—just a few resources that reflect a lot of what we’ve discussed. It helps you get started with intentional, joyful giving. Find it on my website or DM me on Instagram at @AimeeCerka (link in the show notes).”

Each January, Alison hosts a virtual group session to create a focus statement, budget, and impact statement—your own measuring stick for what successful giving feels like personally.

Creating meaning for yourself is essential.

Thank You For Listening & Your Next Steps

All the links will be in the show notes, so stay connected with Alison. That’s it for now.

Thank you so much for listening to Money Simplified. My favorite place to hang out is on Instagram—find me at @AimeeCerka for behind the scenes in my stories. Send me a message with your biggest takeaway or just to say hi.

When you’re ready to take action on your mindset, your money, or the systems behind it all, I’m here for you. Whether it’s a free resource, a mini course, Money Mastery Academy, in-depth support with the Unstoppable Experience, or booking a complimentary bookkeeping consult, your next step awaits at https://aimeecerka.com.

We’ll see you next time!